So much has been written about whether opposites attract or difference is the key but in real life it is all about understanding the differences, accommodating and managing them. This section will help you see where the potential for conflict exists between personality types and help you manage it.
The ENFJ is the harmonious people champion, warm, caring and extremely organised. The ENFJ will be the one people turn to for help. They are authentic, insightful and great at tuning in to how others are feeling and making people feel truly special. They are found at the emotional heart of a group, selfless, acting as the glue, an unusual combination of bossy and caring.
Curious, communicative with a need to challenge, ENTPs love the intellectual debate, are spontaneous, and assertive. They have a unique view of the world, and bring a fresh perspective. This can make them intellectually promiscuous, enjoying one new experience after another, and failing to follow through on their great ideas as they look for bigger and more novel experiences.
There is no perfect type and in the same way there are no perfect matches. We can all learn to adapt and modify our behaviour if we choose and this section is therefore not designed to suggest particular specific matches but to demonstrate areas of similarity and difference so that a true understanding can happen and thus reduce the risk of misunderstandings.
Being around them
The ENFJ is empathetic and insightful, seeing and making connections between people. Action-oriented, and people-centred they make sure that everything is planned, scheduled, organised and people are happy.
Engaging, plausible, exciting and entertaining the ENTP is very closely attuned to their surroundings and constantly looking for opportunities and possibilities which will feed their strong desire for something new.
Dealing with emotions
ENFJs are emotional but tend to focus on other people, tuning in and bringing incredible empathy and organisational ability to bear. This means they can get ‘emotioned out’ themselves as they give so much.
Often confused with the ENFP the ENTP shares the ability to charm, cajole and persuade others. However the ENTP and will be pragmatic decision-makers using empirical data, evidence and logic to decide.
Openness and sharing feelings
Whilst the ENFJ will encourage trust and openness they may not be so open about how they are feeling, indeed they may not really think about that so focused are they on caring for, and organising others.
The ENTP has incredible people skills and will enthuse and entertain people who will want to be part of their set. However they are not really emotional and so will move on easily when they get bored.
Drivers and values
ENFJs tune into others. They have thin psychological boundaries, and are at risk of being hurt or by those who are less sensitive, often taking on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.
ENTPs have a low boredom threshold and they need the different, the exciting the new, some sort of ‘fix’ to hold their interest, moving from one exciting situation to another drive their incredible energy.
Some people seek harmony, some see conflict as simply robust discussions, some people are emotional, some more factual. So there is no right or wrong about this and what we are trying to do is help two different people each understand how the other might deal with conflict and what it will mean for the relationship.
Initial response to conflict situations
The twin attributes of insightful caring and organisational ability will mean the ENFJ will see all the interconnections between people, pick up on the cues and work tirelessly to help solve people issues.
The ENTP is happy with conflict as it allows them to sharpen their debating skills and engage in verbal sparring. They will not really engage at an emotional level seeing it all as an interesting game.
Issues they'll fight on
The ENFJ is an enthusiastic champion of people who wants to make sure the needs of the people are and taken care of. Excellent networkers who tune into people and popular among their colleagues.
Winning the debate is very important to the ENTP and so they will want to be proved right. Telling an ENTP they’re wrong is like throwing down a gauntlet, on they’ll be delighted to pick up.
Conflict style / communication
Articulate and confident the ENFJ will be persuasive and tenacious; the one voted the leader or committee chairperson. Everyone knows they can depend on the ENFJ who will fight the cause of the people.
For all their people skills and verbal abilities the ENTP is at heart an analyst and their way will be to use logic, rational argument and empirical data to enjoy the debate and win the day.
How they feel after
The ENFJ may bite off more that they can chew, as their first priority is to say ‘yes’ and take the pain away for others. During such times they may feel weighed down, overwhelmed and underappreciated.
The ENTP low boredom threshold means that when conflict occurs it is over and they move on. They tend not to bear grudges or ever look back as there are so many more exciting opportunities to come.
We all bring something different to the team and we all agree that difference and balance are good things. However when someone is different from us we might not understand them so well so in this section we allow you to compare the differences at work, how these might manifest themselves and how best to manage them.
Contribution to the team
ENFJs will bring structure and impetus whilst at the same making sure the needs of all the people are taken care of. Often at the flipchart they capture ideas giving everyone the chance to contribute.
ENTPs have a radical perspective, looking at newer, better and more interesting ways. Not for them the routine of the past, but a healthy challenge to the status quo, and irritation with a pace that’s too slow.
The ENFJ will assume the leadership role simply because they want to drive for closure and ensure that people are happy. They need to satiate their need for action and their passion for people.
ENTPs can find ways around obstacles and problems. Headstrong and assertive they can spark life into a team, break through inertia but they may not follow through, as they like to move on to the new.
Naturally service-driven the ENFJ really does care and will want to apply this energy to tangible outputs, preferably that will help people. They need clarity, real meaning, a worthwhile output and closure.
ENTPs will need space and flexibility as they like to do things their way, working in incredible bursts of energy, getting things moving very quickly but then looking for the next big thing to interest them.
Attention to detail / focus
The ENFJ loves a plan, a clear picture of where they are going and they will work diligently towards the goal. Indeed the ENFJ will feel less comfortable with too many options open, as they need closure.
The ENTP does not like to be controlled or micro-managed and they dislike rules or regulations preferring to create as they go, working at pace and focusing on what interests and excites them.
ENFJs focus on the organisational and people aspects and so are not primarily creative preferring to work on making sure that what has been agreed is properly planned and that people are happy.
ENTPs are true radicals, coming up with ever-better ways of doing things, breaking through conventions and even taking unpopular decisions. However they are less useful when it gets to the detail.